All Clegg has to do is turn casually to Spudface, flicking a speck of dust from his immaculate cuffs, and ask:
'Is this the best your bosses can do to get you elected?'By launching this pathetic dirty Nick trick in a blatant attempt to scupper tonights debate, the Telegraph has panicked like Corporal Jones, and fired its musket long before it could see the whites of their eyes.
As for the Mail conflating CLEGG and NAZI all over their front page, that is hardly surprising. In the dark columns patrolled by its hitmen, Clarkson and Littlejohn, almost everybody, including cyclists, vegetarians and council workers are routinely referred to as NAZIS. And now almost everyone loves Click. And if he's a nazi and they are nazis, someone is either lying about them and Clegg, or lying about the nazis. The trick was bound to backfire sometime, and this is probably it. It has confirmed everything Click has been saying about both tories and Labour, but Labour can sit in the shade again and let Cameron take the heat.
You have to say, well played Peter Mandelson. Hot favourite for the Bernard Ingham Spindoctor of The Year Award at this years' press bash.
Cleggmania aside, last week's show was dominated by Cameron's Deflation. He looked like a fretful Maris Piper most of the time. Like Wayne Rooney's bank-clerk older brother when opening his winter gasbill.. And by failing miserably to outperform the Ultra-Lite Clegg, he showed his true worth.
The fact that Click Negg beat Spudface in the beauty contest means that Brown won on the night. If Cameron was the tories' Great White Hope, he wouldn't have been outsmarted by the no-hoper. Gathered around their screen in the Carlton Club, tory grandees must have been crying in their Asti Spumante.
Tonight, the leader who manages to properly pronounce Eyjafjallajökull first will see his digital approval worm will hit the roof. And if Click gives it its new name - E15 - the Cleggometer will blow a fuse. Mt Stratford would be even better.
If the election is decided by this farce, there will be demands for proportional representation to replace the current system.
It won't make any difference. All we need is a fixed term, and a total ban on any electioneering during the month before the poll. In fact, all politicians should be locked into the Palace of Westminster, and the election fought purely on the basis of the real experience of the electorate during the term of office. That would make us pay attention a bit more. And not just for a week or two every four years.
The first 'debate' saw Clegg clouding the political sky, grounding Cameron Air, but leaving Gordon Brown sipping Pina Coladas on his Barbados holiday beach for an extra week.
What kind of freak political devastation we can expect out of tonight's Sky is still unclear. Something to do with helicopters, presumably.